Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Finally got around to using my work insurance to get a physical.

Doctor: According to the Weight/Height chart, you are... [traces finger along line]... "obese."
Me: Obese? Huh.

The doctor then went on to explain how our bodies are elaborate chemistry sets and how office lifestyle is very contrary to what our bodies were designed for. Then again, I've been living the office lifestyle for years, even when I wasn't working in an office.

When I got back to work, I immediately announced, "I am officially obese." This led to laughter, debate and then everyone looking themselves up on an online ideal body weight chart.

Amanda: This is messed up. What color were you on the chart?
Me: Whatever color obese is. What color is obese?
Nate: It says I need to put on weight.
Michelle: I think this just goes to show there needs to be a weight name beyond obese.
Chris: Well, there's morbidly obese.
Me: I'm going to start referring to that as "mo' bese."

Later in the day Amanda called me into her office.

Amanda: Wrap your fingers around your wrist. Do they...
Me: They overlap.
Amanda: Oh no, so you're not even...
Me: I'm not even big boned. I can't even say that.
Amanda: Arnie, I'm trying. I'm trying to find a way that you're not obese.
Me: I just am.
Amanda: It's crazy.

Obese or not, I like your new dress.
arnie-- you need the "shaquille o'neal wellness wheel."
sue jellyvision
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